Protect The Mummified Squirrel of Somerville!!! (Warning: Photos)

I am careful about selecting the few causes that I get behind and get vocal about, but I can’t stay quiet about this one any longer! Several months ago, there was a dead squirrel on the sidewalk near my house. (Sophia may have stepped on it even I think.) I expected that the squirrel corpse would be removed within a day or two. Instead of removal, however, our friendly squirrel body found its way to patch of grass on the sidewalk next to a shady tree.

Over the next few months, the magic really began to happen. The squirrel’s flesh and blood melted away leaving only its bones and hide. I am not familiar with the technical requirements for mummification, but I would call the resulting baking in the sun and resting in the shade, a mummification.  The squirrel has now taken on this patch of land as its resting place and much like King Tut, I believe that there is a terrible, ancient curse associated with disruption of its body.

The city of Somerville, however, has other plans for this sacred land. They hope to further develop the sidewalk to allow tiny condos to be built for living squirrels.  These condos will not only desecrate the sacred resting ground of The Mummified Squirrel of Somerville, but will increase squirrel traffic enormously, reduce the number of usable tree-branch perching spaces, and, perhaps worst of all, may result in a life-threatening acorn shortage.  I implore you to call the Mayor and demand that the home of The Mummified Squirrel of Somerville becomes a protected City park and that the tomb of The Mummified Squirrel of Somerville remains undisturbed. None of us wants to deal with the terrible curse that might result if the zombie version of The Mummified Squirrel of Somerville returns from the dead and commands an army of undead rodents that eat the brains of other rodents and wander about looking like terrible computer effects.  Please join me in this cause.

Squirrel-rights advocate Nick Balkin.