BREAKING NEWS: Mikebook___+® Beta is Launching tomorrow

You may be hearing about the launch of new social networking sites, but Mikebook___+® is not just another social networking site. It’s an entire way of living. Members of Mikebook___+® (we call them awesomefacemonkeys®) know deep inside that they are different from everyone else. They have a special little place inside of their hearts where no poke, DM, tweet, or whatever happens on Myspace can reach. The limited sign-up beta begins tomorrow, but you will need a special invite to participate. Until then, take a look at this table, which compares arbitrary features and demonstrates that Mikebook___+® has more features than any other social networking site in the universe. Check back tomorrow for news on how you can become an awesomefacemonkey®!
Please note: we are still working on some bugs with our yes/no boxes on the table below. You can’t build Rome in a day!

Mikebook___+® My______ Facebook Twitter Google+
Has book in the name
Has ___ in the name          
Has + in the name          
In limited, special beta where only priveleged people can participate          
Is not a $35 million virtual paperweight          
Not used by Ashton Kutcher          
Has blinking ads for things that may or may not exist          
Uses the color blue          
Encourages the inclusion of monkey references          

It should be clear that only Mikebook___+® has all of the features you need. You don’t have to take our word for it, check out these testimonials:
“Ever since I became an awesomefacemonkey® and gave all my money to Michael J. Epstein, I have been broke and haven’t been able to eat, but awesomefacemonkey®!!!” – Mick Jagger
“Awesomefacemonkey®? Try Awesomeawesomefacemonkey®!!!” – Kofi Annan

“I always thought social networking was a silly way for me to make a ton of money by saying nonsensical things about issues that I have no right to have an opinion on, but now I know how much social networking can do for you.” – Kim Kardashian