Buying MJEML vinyl (that doesn’t exist) on Amazon Part 4: My “Vinyl” has arrived

The complete combined story has been presented in a single post here

.Previous posts: 1 – ordered on vinyl; 2 – relay order; 3 – order shipped

After a bit of waiting, we return to the tale of buying The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library‘s Volume One on vinyl (when it doesn’t exist on vinyl!).

After the order was placed, I asked you all what you expected might happen. There was wild and humorous speculation including Andrew Sempere‘s hope that the company would do a one-off pressing on vinyl asserting that by purchasing the CD from CDBaby, they were allowed to create a single replica of the content on vinyl (destroying the CD afterward of course). This fascinated me as I would agree that it is indeed potentially legally reasonable, albeit perhaps not technically feasible. Thoughts on that? I’d buy an acetate of my music, for example…especially for $30. Other predictions mostly focused on the likelihood that the company in question would claim that the product was out of stock or that they’d simply send the album on CD hoping that I might not notice the difference in medium.

Well, sure enough, here’s what arrived:

They must have folded that vinyl if it fit in this package!
All the way from Austria!
Shipping Record and MJEML”Record”
 Very excited to hear the fine sounds of MJEML on vinyl, I threw it onto the ol’ turntable!
The lovely analog sound of MJEML – special thanks to Jon Bernhardt

Anyway, no matter how I set the thing on the record player, the beautiful sounds of The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library would simply not come out. Brian Mullen wisely suggested that I test it out on my Hip Pocket Record Player…but alas, no luck! Still no beautiful music.

I was forced to write a puzzled message to inandout records to see if they had any suggestions:

Dear InandOut Records,

Thank you for your recent shipment of the vinyl version of The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library’s _Volume One_. I have been extremely eager to hear these beautiful songs on crisp, clear vinyl, as they were meant to be heard. I have one concern. The vinyl I have received is very small – smaller than a standard 7″ and doesn’t seem to play properly on the turntable. The needle simply slides right off and just makes a horrible noise.  While I might expect this type of sound quality for a Merzbow album, for example, I don’t believe this is the correct stylistic fit for the current artist. I even tried playing it on my Philco Ford Hip Pocket Record Player as that appears to play records more of the appropriate size (see attached image). Still no luck. Perhaps there is some difference between American record players and Austrian players. Alternatively, it is possible that the record I have received contains a very short Throbbing Gristle song and is simply mislabeled. Please advise if I need special equipment to play this record or if I have received a misprinted item. Thank you very much for your assistance!

Yours in Science,
Michael J. Epstein

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