Buying The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library’s _Volume One_ on vinyl when it doesn’t exist on vinyl…The Complete Saga!!!

Today, the plot thickens a little as I just got this note from CDBaby indicating that I sold a copy of _Volume One_ on CD to INANDOUT RECORDS. Interestingly, I purchased the vinyl version from INANDOUT RECORDS on Amazon!  I already had the suspicion that they were a retailer that just listed every album available at a price much higher than what they could acquire it for and then when someone bought something from them, they placed an order. Looks like that may be true. The tricky part is, I ordered vinyl. They purchased a CD. What will happen next?!?!? We can only wait and see!

———————

Hi Michael!

Just a little note letting you know who bought your music on www.cdbaby.com today.
Break out the champagne!

1CD(s): The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library / “Volume One”

CURRENT INVENTORY ON OUR SHELVES AFTER THIS ORDER SHIPPED OUT:
Volume One: 3

PURCHASER DETAILS:
1 CD “Volume One” to INANDOUT RECORDS / *****@inandout.***** / AT, AT

ABOUT CONTACTING CUSTOMERS: You should wait 1-2 weeks, to make sure they’ve received and heard your music, then send them a single email asking if they want to be on your mailing list. If they don’t reply, please don’t automatically add them to your list.

This email is just a little notice of a sale, but the REAL details are in your members account area. You can log in there at http://members.cdbaby.com

PLEASE NOTE: There is no need to reply to this email unless you have a specific concern or question.

Thanks!
————-

Now for the latest news! I have received a shipping confirmation from Amazon. It will be delivered by “priority airmail.”

The questions that arise:
1. Have they ordered the CD from CDBaby and directly shipped it to me via CDBaby? They charged me $28.54 to relay a $12 order from CDBaby if they did this.

2. Are they lying about it having shipped already?

3. It’s pretty clear at this point that they are going to send me a CD, even though I clearly ordered the vinyl. What will happen when I alert them to this? I’ve actually considered e-mailing them saying that I am so excited to receive my vinyl copy because no other retailers, not even CDBaby, carry this album on vinyl, but I haven’t decided to move forward on that yet. What do you think?

———————————————————————————————————–
Dear Michael Epstein,

inandoutrecords shipped the following item(s) in your order ***************, placed on September 08, 2011.

Delivery Estimate: September 28, 2011 – October 19, 2011
This shipment was sent to:

Michael Epstein
PO Box 230338
Boston, MA 02123-0338
United States

This shipment will be delivered by Priority Airmail.

You have been charged for the following items shipped today:

Vol. 1
Sold by: inandoutrecords
Condition: new
Quantity: 1
$25.56 each
Item subtotal: $25.56

———————————————————————

Item Subtotal                   :  $25.56
Shipping & Handling             :  $2.98
Total                           :  $28.54
Paid by Mastercard:  $28.54

————————————-

After the order was placed, I asked you all what you expected might happen. There was wild and humorous speculation including Andrew Sempere‘s hope that the company would do a one-off pressing on vinyl asserting that by purchasing the CD from CDBaby, they were allowed to create a single replica of the content on vinyl (destroying the CD afterward of course). This fascinated me as I would agree that it is indeed potentially legally reasonable, albeit perhaps not technically feasible. Thoughts on that? I’d buy an acetate of my music, for example…especially for $30. Other predictions mostly focused on the likelihood that the company in question would claim that the product was out of stock or that they’d simply send the album on CD hoping that I might not notice the difference in medium.

Well, sure enough, here’s what arrived:

They must have folded that vinyl if it fit in this package!

All the way from Austria!

Shipping Record and MJEML”Record”

RECORDS!

The lovely analog sound of MJEML – special thanks to Jon Bernhardt

Anyway, no matter how I set the thing on the record player, the beautiful sounds of The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library would simply not come out. Brian Mullen wisely suggested that I test it out on my Hip Pocket Record Player…but alas, no luck! Still no beautiful music.

I was forced to write a puzzled message to inandout records to see if they had any suggestions:

Dear InandOut Records,

Thank you for your recent shipment of the vinyl version of The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library’s _Volume One_. I have been extremely eager to hear these beautiful songs on crisp, clear vinyl, as they were meant to be heard. I have one concern. The vinyl I have received is very small – smaller than a standard 7″ and doesn’t seem to play properly on the turntable. The needle simply slides right off and just makes a horrible noise.  While I might expect this type of sound quality for a Merzbow album, for example, I don’t believe this is the correct stylistic fit for the current artist. I even tried playing it on my Philco Ford Hip Pocket Record Player as that appears to play records more of the appropriate size (see attached image). Still no luck. Perhaps there is some difference between American record players and Austrian players. Alternatively, it is possible that the record I have received contains a very short Throbbing Gristle song and is simply mislabeled. Please advise if I need special equipment to play this record or if I have received a misprinted item. Thank you very much for your assistance!

Yours in Science,
Michael J. Epstein


——————————————————

The lovely analog sound of MJEML – special thanks to Jon Bernhardt

Dear Mr. Epstein,

we are very sorry to hear that you are not satisfied with your article.

Please send the article back to the following address (please note that
we do not accept NOT PREPAID shippings!):

Inandout – Distribution GmbH
Otto-Baumgartner-Strasse 11
8055 Graz-Seiersberg
Austria

After we have received the article, we will check your complaint, and if
it is warrantable you will get of course a new article or a full refund
of your payment.

We will contact you as soon as we have received the article from you.
Please enclose the delivery note to the return sending.
Sorry for the inconveniences you may have.

Thanks in advance and

best regards,

“Tristan Diesel”
———————————
Inandout – Distribution GmbH
Otto-Baumgartner-Strasse 10-11
8055 Seiersberg
Austria
UID#: ATU63730911
E-Mail: [e-mail address removed] Fax: ******************

———————————————————————————————————–

Thank you for your reply and your willingness to field test this very strange record. Unfortunately, I spent all of my money purchasing this album. I had saved up my GRIT Magazine sales profits for over a year to hear these wonderful sounds on vinyl. Admittedly, I was able to also use GRIT points to obtain an aquarium full of sea-monkeys, but they don’t seem to have a very high resale value. As I cannot pay shipping and you do not offer pre-paid shipping on this defective (or possibly Throbbing Gristle mislabeled) product, would you be willing to accept a pre-paid shipping scenario in which I included my family of sea-monkeys. If you do accept this offer, I would actually appreciate if I could keep Marvin the Sea-Monkey as he is a great conversationalist. I believe that I should be able to seal the sea-monkey aquarium with duct tape and there presumably would be no leaking in shipment. Thank you again for your assistance on this matter.

Don’t Stop Believin’,
Michael J. Epstein

—————————————————————————

Dear Mr. Epstein,

we appreciate your generosity and your offer to send your sea monkeys!

Nevertheless, we don’t want them to undertake the long journey to
Austria in a dark vessel, as this would surely be inconvenient for them.

We received this record from CD-Baby. I don’t know who produced this
record, but we are sure that all remaining copies are in similar condition.

Unfortunately we cannot take the responsibility for the production of
this record. Maybe you can contact CD-Baby directly to get a replacement?

Best regards,

D—– S——
Online-Sales
———————————
Inandout – Distribution GmbH
Otto-Baumgartner-Strasse 10-11
8055 Seiersberg
Austria
UID#: ATU63730911
Firmenbuchnummer: FN 298213 z
Firmenbuchgericht: Handelsgericht Graz
Fax: ******************

Inandout @ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/inandoutrecords
Inandout @ Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/inandout_records
Inandout @ Twitter: http://twitter.com/InandoutRecords

——

My reply:

Thank you for your kind reply. The sea-monkeys were relieved to hear about your response. Marvin told me that he would be lonely if I had sent the rest of his family overseas. We celebrated with extra algae that evening. Unfortunately, his relief was short-lived. I did contact the company CD-Baby as you suggested to make a similar sea-monkey offer. I was worried that I would be communicating with toddlers when I first called them, but I was greatly relieved to find an adult on the other end of the phone. Well, I couldn’t verify their age as they would not give me any personal information, even when I asked nicely. Still, the voice was at least a teenager or perhaps a pre-teen who had gone through puberty. I suppose it might have been a child talking through a voice disguiser that made him sound older. Regardless of their age, they seemed very reliable. They told me that they would gladly accept the sea-monkey family, even without Marvin, in exchange for the item’s return. After a farewell party with monkeycake and plankton punch, the sea-monkeys were off on a trip to the west coast. They sent a few postcards on the way and seemed to enjoy the journey. After they arrived, upon investigation, the adult baby informed me that the the item was indeed very defective vinyl and that it was in a format not appropriate for play on turntables at all. They told me I might not have this special kind of player (a seedy player) that handles these special records called seeds. They suggested that I speak with you. They did offer to relay the sea-monkeys to you in exchange for resolving this issue, but they asked if it would be possible to keep Marvin’s first cousin Gertrude as apparently the staff there has taken quite a liking to her. Marvin is actually quite sad and misses Gertrude a lot – he was terribly fond of her. I am thinking that perhaps I should just reunite them all. It was probably a mistake to separate them. I know I would not want to ship my sisters off to a far-away place. That is actually not completely true. I would like to ship one of my sisters off, but the other seven, I would greatly prefer for them to stay in our cottage. Would you like for me to have them send the whole family (without Gertrude of course) and to have Marvin travel to meet you as well?

Thinking of you,
Michael J. Epstein

I like to put a face to the name. This is the best picture I could find of someone named Yokesh K. I will now assume that this is who I am talking with at Amazon.

Well, no response for a few days from Inandoutrecords, so I thought it high time to contact customer service at Amazon and see what they could do to help me out. I was put in touch with a fellow named Yokesh K. Here are our communications thus far.

10/13/11 09:09:11
Your Name:Michael Epstein
Order Id: 102-3749302-3834612
Selected Order Items:
Vol. 1
Comments:
Dear Customer Service,

I have placed the above order for a copy of The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library’s Vol. 1 on vinyl. I was very eager to receive this record as I hear that it sounds beautiful in this format. I waited patiently with my roommates – a group of sea-monkeys led by a group of elected officials including Marvin the sea-monkey and his cousin Gertrude. We stood by the door awaiting arrival of this package. We were very excited when it finally did arrive and Marvin immediately put it on the record player.  Gertrude took this photograph:

– special thanks once more to Jon Bernhardt

When we put the needle down, it made a horrible noise and slid all around. It didn’t sound like the harmonious and lush music that we expected at all. Instead it sounded like Throbbing Gristle (maybe it is a misprinted record?). Upon contacting InandOutrecords, they suggested mailing it back to them in Austria at my expense. I explained that I could not afford such a mailing as I had spent all of my money that I had saved selling GRIT magazine on the record. I also mentioned that my only other liquid possession was my sea-monkey friends. While I did not want to part with them, after much discussion, the sea-monkeys agreed that they could use a change of scenery from here in dank New England and might enjoy a journey to Europe. I very kindly offered to send their tank overseas to cover postage costs. Of course, I couldn’t send Marvin the sea-monkey as he is too good a conversationalist.

I heard back that although the sea-monkeys were a nice gesture, they could not be used for currency in Austria. As I am unfamiliar with their monetary system, this was not previously known to me. In school, we spent no time on this matter. They did suggest that I contact CDBaby, their source for this record.

After great relief in finding that CDBaby was not actually a real baby, but rather an adult…or at least a child that had gone through puberty…or maybe an advanced smartphone application that performs voice modultation, I found out that they did not offer this Vol. 1 on record, but rather in some archaic format called a seedy. As I don’t have a seedy player – what they suggested I would need, I simply must request that this item be replaced with the vinyl version as promised in the original purchase.

Thank you so much for your assistance. I look forward to receiving my vinyl and the return of my sea-monkey family from their visit to CDBaby. I know that Marvin is probably going to cry when he sees Gertrude again. He is very emotional.

May the force be with you,
Michael

—————

Hello,

I’m sorry to hear that the item you ordered from inandoutrecords wasn’t what you arrived defective.

To return the item, please visit our Online Returns Center:

www.amazon.com/returns

The Online Returns Center will guide you through the process of submitting a return request to inandoutrecords.

Once the seller approves this return, an e-mail will be sent to you with the seller’s return address and instructions.

You can check the status of this request via the “Manage Your Returns” button in the Online Returns Center at:

www.amazon.com/returns

To learn more about seller returns, please visit our Help pages:

Amazon.com Help

We can’t find the page you were trying to reach. We apologize for the inconvenience. We keep an eye on pages that cannot be displayed, and we work to resolve any issues as quickly as possible. The Help homepage may be able to help you find the information you’re looking for.

Please give the seller 3 business days to get back to you. If you can’t work something out with inandoutrecords, you’re always welcome to file an A-to-z Guarantee claim online (www.amazon.com/a-to-z-guarantee). You’ll be eligible to file a claim 3 business days after contacting the seller (select the reason for filing as “Order contained damaged/defective/incorrect items”).

I hope this helps. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

Thank you for your recent inquiry. Did I solve your problem?

If yes, please click here:

Amazon.com

No Description

If no, please click here:

Amazon.com

No Description

Best regards,

Yokesh K.
Amazon.com
Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.

——————————

It is true Mr. K (or may I call you Yokesh?), that the item I ordered from inandoutrecords wasn’t what I arrived defective. One of my sea-monkeys, Madeline, has the last name K. also. Is she related?

Your return center says I must contact customer service and cannot directly file a claim. I hope that you will help resolve this as I am now hearing rumors of terrible and difficult living conditions for the sea-monkeys in Oregon. Apparently, they don’t have the same protective labor laws as here in Massachusetts. I am very worried and would appreciate immediate assistance.

Thank you!

Chutes and ladders,
Michael

———————————-

Hello,

I’m sorry to hear the item you received doesn’t met your expectations.

I’ve checked your order #102-3749302-3834612  and found that you placed this order with inandoutrecords, one of our registered third-party sellers on Amazon Marketplace.

Amazon Marketplace listings are created by sellers other than Amazon.com. When you buy an item at Amazon Marketplace, the individual seller processes and ship your order.

Since we are not directly involved in the fulfillment of your order, we are not able to send a replacement on the seller’s behalf.

I’ve checked our records and found that your A-to-z Guarantee Claim was filed on October 13 for order #102-3749302-3834612 . Click on “Problem with this order?” on the order summary at the address below to see the most current status:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/css/summary/edit.html?orderID=102-3749302-3834612

Processing should be complete within 1-2 weeks of the date the claim was submitted. If approved, your Guarantee reimbursement will be credited directly to the same payment method used for your purchase.

You can learn more about A-to-z Guarantees at our Help page here:

http://www.amazon.com/a-to-z-guarantee/

If in andoutrecords  isn’t responding to your requests for a return address or pay return shipping cost, please feel free to donate or dispose  the  music–whichever is most convenient for you.

Amazon.com provides oversight of Marketplace transactions. Credit card information is held on Amazon.com’s secure server, and is never shared with Marketplace sellers.

We stand behind seller transactions made on our website by offering customers the A-to-z Guarantee (http://www.amazon.com/a-to-z-guarantee).

Amazon.com provides oversight of Marketplace transactions. Credit card information is held on Amazon.com’s secure server, and is never shared with Marketplace sellers.

We stand behind seller transactions made on our website by offering customers the A-to-z Guarantee (http://www.amazon.com/a-to-z-guarantee).

I hope this information helps. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

Thank you for your recent inquiry. Did I solve your problem?

If yes, please click here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/survey?p=A1YND7CTLYM8RL&k=hy

If no, please click here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/survey?p=A1YND7CTLYM8RL&k=hn

Best regards,

Nandha Kumar
Amazon.com
Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.

——————————————-

I like to put a face to the name, but the use of the original photo resulted in a legal threat, so we have switched to using this artist’s rendition.

Re: Inquiry from Amazon customer Michael Epstein: Received Damaged, Defective, or Wrong item (Order: 102-3749302-3834612)
From: inandoutrecords
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 1:27 AM
To: Michael Epstein

Order ID: 102-3749302-3834612
1 of Vol. 1

Dear customer,

we have received your A – Z guarantee claim.

You will have send back the item on your expense and we will issue a refund for it afterwards.

Our return label is not working in the US unfortunately. We ask you for your understanding.

regards,

“Tristan Diesel”
———————————
Inandout – Distribution GmbH
Otto-Baumgartner-Strasse 10-11
8055 Seiersberg
Austria
UID#: ATU63730911
E-Mail: [e-mail address removed] Fax: +43 316 826211-15

—————————————————–

Once again, I like to put a face to the name. This is the best picture I could find of someone named Nandha Kumar. Violin players do frighten and intimidate me. I will now assume that this is who I am talking with at Amazon.

Hello friend,

There must be some confusion here. Amazon.com representative Nandha Kumar told me that he was “sorry to hear the item you received doesn’t met your expectations,” and that “if in andoutrecords isn’t responding to your requests for a return address or pay return shipping cost, please feel free to donate or dispose  the  music–whichever is most convenient for you.” As I am not a fan of Throbbing Gristle and neither are Marvin nor Gertrude (who is still in Portland by the way), I am going to follow Nandha’s suggestion. Frankly, while I do want to go with your wishes, Nandha has exhibited unstable behavior in the past and I am scared for my safety. If I were to return this record without a return label, Nandha would be very angry. You wouldn’t like Nandha when he is angry. Confidentially, I had been talking with Yokesh K. before Nandha and I think Yokesh may have been forcibly “removed” by Nandha. What else could explain the rapid changeover? Yokesh seemed concerned for Marvin and Gertrude’s safety, but Nandha just doesn’t seem to care. Mistreatment of animals is a sign of psychopathic behavior and I just am not sure what to think. Please don’t tell Nandha that I told you this. Unless you can offer guaranteed protection from Nandha, I am just not sure what I can do.

In fear,
Michael J. Epstein

————————————

Dear Mr. Epstein,

as we do not seem to find a solution this way and you already filed an
A-Z guarantee claim with Amazon, we will wait for their solution proposal.

Best regards also to your sea monkeys,

D—— S——-
Online-Sales
———————————
Inandout – Distribution GmbH
Otto-Baumgartner-Strasse 10-11
8055 Seiersberg
Austria
UID#: ATU63730911
Firmenbuchnummer: FN 298213 z
Firmenbuchgericht: Handelsgericht Graz
Fax: *******************

————————————–

 

Possible photograph of High-commander Nandha Kumar

Dear General S——–,

Thank you! Gertrude and Marvin will be very flattered that you remembered them during this difficult time of oppression under the thumb of Nandha Kumar. Nandha’s forces have grown strong. Those below him do not remember the times he behaved erratically and they have given their allegiance to him. It is perhaps out of fear that they yield to his every command. Nonetheless, I am certain that we don’t have much time left before we will be enslaved by Nandha, digging in dangerous mines so he can uncover ancient, secrets buried and forgotten. I had thought that agreeing to Nandha’s initial request that I “feel free to donate or dispose  the  music–whichever is most convenient for you,” would be enough to quell his taste for blood, but quite the opposite. After I donated the music, he became furious. He immediately put out a call to eradicate sea-monkeys. He blamed them for spreading disease and destroying the world economy. High-commander Kumar has said these tiny, gentle creatures are the spark that has caused chaos and damaged our structure, order, and universal meaning. While I understand his religious argument against the creatures as they were selectively bred and were not among God’s initial creations, I am certain that if Nandha spent some time training them to do tricks and play baseball (or perhaps cricket in his country), he would have a different perspective. He needs to walk a few miles in a sea-monkey’s shoes. I think we could all benefit from that in fact. We’d really learn a lot by spending some time on the other side of those tiny plastic magnifying glass bubbles on their tank. I do hope you are able to resist the advances of Nandha’s forces and that you stay strong in this difficult time. I also hope that Nandha does not try to use A-Z guarantee claims to leverage his power. I look forward to resolution, but not if that resolution requires us to bow down and accept High-commander Kumar as our leader. I just cannot accept such a solution. I have to resist, for Gertrude’s and Marvin’s sake. I hope you understand and I hope we can stand strong together against oppression. Stand together or fall apart!

¡Viva la Revolución!
Michael J. Epstein

——————————————–

Artist’s Rendition of “Tristan Diesel” possessed by Nandha Kumar

Dear Mr. Epstein,

please send back the item to the following address:

Inandout – Distribution GmbH
Otto-Baumgartner-Strasse 11
8055 Graz
Austria

We will be happy to issue a refund after we will have received the returned parcel in our distribution centre.

regards,

“Tristan Diesel”
(Inandout Distribution)

————————————–

Colonel “Diesel”,

It is clear that your forces have been compromised as you have not used the secret codeword that we agreed upon. As is the protocol during wartime, I must cease communication with you. Our analyses have indicated a high likelihood of a Kumarian trap. You are probably tracing our IP from this message to determine our location. I must warn you, however, that I have sent this message via a roving connection, so you will not be able to find me at the location determined. I assume at this time that all communications from you are actually from Nandha Kumar or his henchmen. I do hope you are liberated quickly and that you are not treated badly. There are rumors among the people here that the Geneva Conventions have been suspended and that men are being tortured for information.

Thus, everyone may be compromised. I am therefore taking my vinyl and heading to an underground bunker in an undisclosed location. I hope to return once this all runs its course.

Stay Strong!

Michael J. Epstein

—————————————-

From: “Amazon.com” <payments-messages@amazon.com>To: “mje@michaeljepstein.com” <mje@michaeljepstein.com>
Subject: Refund on order 102-3749302-3834612

Hello,

We’re writing to let you know we processed your refund of $28.54 for your Order 102-3749302-3834612 from inandoutrecords.

This refund is for the following item(s):

Item: Vol. 1
Quantity: 1
ASIN: B0051OJG0U
Reason for refund: Account adjustment

Here’s the breakdown of your refund for this item:

Item Refund: $25.56
Shipping Refund: $2.98

We’ll apply your refund to the following payment method(s):

MasterCard Credit Card **************: $28.54

This amount has been credited to your payment method and will appear when your bank has processed it.

Have questions about our refund policy?
Visit our Help section for more information:

http://www.amazon.com/refunds

We look forward to seeing you again soon.

Sincerely,

Amazon.com
We’re Building Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company
http://www.amazon.com</mje@michaeljepstein.com></payments-messages@amazon.com>

———————————————————-

The lovely analog sound of MJEML – special thanks to Jon Bernhardt

Summary: I ordered our album that was sold on vinyl, but didn’t exist on vinyl via Amazon. InandOutRecords ordered it from CDBaby and had it directly shipped to me. I earned about $6 from CDBaby. I received a full refund and got to keep my own CD. Additionally, the album has been removed from sale listings by InandOut on both Amazon and on their web site. My original plan was actually to order it again from their web site as it was listed until very recently, but now it has since been removed.

Moral: Don’t be a jerk and sell my album (that doesn’t exist) for an exorbitant markup.