Buying MJEML vinyl (that doesn’t exist) on Amazon Part 7: Amazon Customer Service

I like to put a face to the name. This is the best picture I could find of someone named Yokesh K. I will now assume that this is who I am talking with at Amazon.

We return to the saga of buying The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library‘s Volume One on vinyl…only problem is…it’s not released on vinyl.

Previous posts: 1 – ordered on vinyl; 2 – relay order; 3 – order shipped; 4 – Vinyl Received; 5 – Seller’s Reply; 6 – Second reply

Well, no response for a few days from Inandoutrecords, so I thought it high time to contact customer service at Amazon and see what they could do to help me out. I was put in touch with a fellow named Yokesh K. Here are our communications thus far.

10/13/11 09:09:11
Your Name:Michael Epstein
Order Id: 102-3749302-3834612
Selected Order Items:
Vol. 1
Comments:
Dear Customer Service,

I have placed the above order for a copy of The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library’s Vol. 1 on vinyl. I was very eager to receive this record as I hear that it sounds beautiful in this format. I waited patiently with my roommates – a group of sea-monkeys led by a group of elected officials including Marvin the sea-monkey and his cousin Gertrude. We stood by the door awaiting arrival of this package. We were very excited when it finally did arrive and Marvin immediately put it on the record player.  Gertrude took this photograph:

– special thanks once more to Jon Bernhardt

When we put the needle down, it made a horrible noise and slid all around. It didn’t sound like the harmonious and lush music that we expected at all. Instead it sounded like Throbbing Gristle (maybe it is a misprinted record?). Upon contacting InandOutrecords, they suggested mailing it back to them in Austria at my expense. I explained that I could not afford such a mailing as I had spent all of my money that I had saved selling GRIT magazine on the record. I also mentioned that my only other liquid possession was my sea-monkey friends. While I did not want to part with them, after much discussion, the sea-monkeys agreed that they could use a change of scenery from here in dank New England and might enjoy a journey to Europe. I very kindly offered to send their tank overseas to cover postage costs. Of course, I couldn’t send Marvin the sea-monkey as he is too good a conversationalist.

I heard back that although the sea-monkeys were a nice gesture, they could not be used for currency in Austria. As I am unfamiliar with their monetary system, this was not previously known to me. In school, we spent no time on this matter. They did suggest that I contact CDBaby, their source for this record.

After great relief in finding that CDBaby was not actually a real baby, but rather an adult…or at least a child that had gone through puberty…or maybe an advanced smartphone application that performs voice modultation, I found out that they did not offer this Vol. 1 on record, but rather in some archaic format called a seedy. As I don’t have a seedy player – what they suggested I would need, I simply must request that this item be replaced with the vinyl version as promised in the original purchase.

Thank you so much for your assistance. I look forward to receiving my vinyl and the return of my sea-monkey family from their visit to CDBaby. I know that Marvin is probably going to cry when he sees Gertrude again. He is very emotional.

May the force be with you,
Michael

—————

Hello,

I’m sorry to hear that the item you ordered from inandoutrecords wasn’t what you arrived defective.

To return the item, please visit our Online Returns Center:

www.amazon.com/returns

The Online Returns Center will guide you through the process of submitting a return request to inandoutrecords.

Once the seller approves this return, an e-mail will be sent to you with the seller’s return address and instructions.

You can check the status of this request via the “Manage Your Returns” button in the Online Returns Center at:

www.amazon.com/returns

To learn more about seller returns, please visit our Help pages:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html/?nodeId=200679660

Please give the seller 3 business days to get back to you. If you can’t work something out with inandoutrecords, you’re always welcome to file an A-to-z Guarantee claim online (www.amazon.com/a-to-z-guarantee). You’ll be eligible to file a claim 3 business days after contacting the seller (select the reason for filing as “Order contained damaged/defective/incorrect items”).

I hope this helps. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

Thank you for your recent inquiry. Did I solve your problem?

If yes, please click here:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/survey?p=AEANNGLB9FHEW&k=hy

If no, please click here:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/survey?p=AEANNGLB9FHEW&k=hn

Best regards,

Yokesh K.
Amazon.com
Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.

——————————

It is true Mr. K (or may I call you Yokesh?), that the item I ordered from inandoutrecords wasn’t what I arrived defective. One of my sea-monkeys, Madeline, has the last name K. also. Is she related?

Your return center says I must contact customer service and cannot directly file a claim. I hope that you will help resolve this as I am now hearing rumors of terrible and difficult living conditions for the sea-monkeys in Oregon. Apparently, they don’t have the same protective labor laws as here in Massachusetts. I am very worried and would appreciate immediate assistance.

Thank you!

Chutes and ladders,
Michael